These Words
by Sombreros are Cool
Summary: Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs are proud to present a record of their conversations, 'These Words'. Pancakes, Beaters, Peeves and much more! MWPP/Marauder Era
1. Effects

**A/N: Hello. My finals just got over and I am now free to publish more fanfics. This story is just dialog. That, and Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs on the Map. The first chapter is a little small, but they get bigger after that. Have fun reading! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything I make references to in here. Doctor Who, for instance. Why do I ****_always _****make a reference to Doctor Who in my stories?**

**_Mr Wormtail is of the opinion that Sombreros Are Cool always makes references to Doctor Who in his stories because Doctor Who is the greatest thing on Earth._**

**Mr Wormtail is right.**

**1. Effects**

'Minnie!'

'Mr Black, you are not to call me "Minnie"!'

'Minnie!'

'_What did I just tell you_!?'

'You told Padfoot not to call you Minnie.'

'Oooh, _burn_, Minnie!'

'Potter, Black, _detention!_'

'Honestly, Potter…'

'Evans! Go out with me?'

'When _Pettigrew _flies!'

'Wormtail! Flying lessons this Saturday!'

'Okay, Prongs!'

'RRRRGGGGHHHH!'

'There, there, Lily-kins…'

'Oh, sod off, Marlene!'

'Well, _James_ can comfort you.'

'I'll take you up on that offer, Evans.'

'Miss Evans, detention for inappropriate use of the Bat-Bogey Hex!'

'See you there tonight, Evans!'

'Hate you all.'

'We know, love.'

'Hmpf.'


	2. Screwed

**A/N: First Map chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.**

**2. Screwed**

_Mr Padfoot would like to point out that Mr Prongs is royally screwed_.

_Mr Prongs advises Mr Padfoot to shut his mouth, the bloody git._

_Mr Moony agrees with Mr Padfoot and wishes to offer his most sincere apologies to Mr Wormtail._

_Mr Wormtail is not pleased with the current state of affairs._

_Mr Padfoot would like to know when Mr Wormtail became involved in politics._

_Mr Moony wishes to point out that Mr Wormtail is not involved in politics of any kind._

_Mr Prongs requests his fellow Marauders - Messrs. Moony, Wormtail and Padfoot - to stop yapping and help him and Mr Wormtail out of their current predicament._

_Mr Wormtail agrees with Mr Prongs._

_Of course he do._

_Mr Moony would like to point out that Mr Padfoot - the grammatically challenged lunatic - wrote the last sentence._

_Mr Padfoot resents this statement. His grammar is ferpectly all right._

_Mr Moony hopes that one day, however far in the future it may be, Mr Padfoot will learn to use a dictionary._

_Mr Wormtail would like to bring the conversation back to his and Mr Prongs' situation._

_Mr Prongs agrees with Mr Wormtail and feels betrayed that Mr Moony continues to be a Grammar Nazi at this point in space and time._

_Mr Wormtail would like to point out that Mr Prongs has just made a reference to Doctor Who._

_Woctor Dho?_

_Doctor Who._

_Mr Moony is of the opinion that it actually should be 'doctor whom', not 'Doctor Who' or 'Woctor Dho'._

_Mr Prongs requests his friends to _SHUT UP_!_

_Mr Padfoot feels that the situation is severe if Mr Prongs is writing in italics and capitals._

_Mr Wormtail agrees; the situation is a most severe one._

_Mr Moony would like to inquire why Mr Prongs is turning such a violent shade of purple._

_Mr Prongs says, 'RRRRGGGGGHHHH!'_

_Mr Moony – _

_Oh, shut up, Moony!_

_Mr Wormtail is shocked! A capital offence! Not addressing one by their proper title! Thou shall be forced to ACTIVATE MARAUDER CODE PURPLE!_

_Mr Padfoot would like to inquire why it is purple, not red._

_Mr Wormtail is of the opinion that Mr Padfoot is an idiot. Everyone knows that purple is the sign for danger!_

_Mr Padfoot has a problem with this statement._

_Messrs. Moony and Wormtail do not care._

_Mr Wormtail would like to point out that Mr Prongs is slowly drowning in the sea of insanity_

_Mr Wormtail is slowly slipping away as well._

_Mr Moony wishes Messrs. Wormtail and Prongs a pleasant life._

_Mr Padfoot will miss his friends, but now that Mr Prongs will not be playing Quidditch anymore, he is Quidditch Captain-_

_Oh, no you DON'T! THAT BADGE IS MR PRONGS'! _


	3. Kitten

**A/N: Mew-Mew is my own invention. I'm pretty sure Sirius didn't own a kitten at Hogwarts.**

**3. Peppermints**

'Padfoot!'

'What?'

'WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR KITTEN DOING WITH MY CHOCOLATE?'

'Don't insult Mew-Mew! Insult her and you insult The Marauders!'

'I AM A BLOODY MARAUDER!'

'Well observed, Moony.'

'YOU stay out of this, Prongs!

'Moony! I am hurt!'

'You will be hurt if you don't get the chocolate away from Padfoot's kitten!'

'Gasp! Prongs, you wouldn't hurt Mew-Mew, would you?'

'_I _would.'

'I am shocked, Wormtail! _How could you_?'

'Mew-Mew is _evil_, Padfoot. Just like Snivellus!'

'Speaking of which… Evans! Go out with me?'

'Prongs… a) Lily isn't even here. b) How does Snape being evil relate to you asking her out?'

'Good points, all of them. a) There's this fascinating thing called owl post. b) Evans is with Snivellus all the time – and you will call him by his proper name!'

'Well - a) But you didn't use owl post. You yelled. b) Okay, I give in – and I am calling him by his proper name!'

'No, but I got an answer. Here – "_Dear Potter, you arrogant toe-rag,_" - she said "dear"!_'_

'Keep reading.'

'Okay – "_When Flitwick becomes six feet tall! (Not so) Sincerely, Lily,_"-hmm, Moony, how do I make Flitwick tall?'

'Well, you could – NOT THE PEPPERMINTS, YOU SPAWN OF SATAN!'

'Mew-Mew! Good kitty!'

'Padfoot, you will not live to join the Order of the Phoenix…'

'Prongs, Wormtail, what say I start running?'

'Probably a good idea.'

'Go for it, Padfoot! Follow your dreams!'

'Aw, thanks Wormtail – GOTTA GO!'

'There goes a troubled young man.'

'He never had a chance.'

'Ho-hum.'


	4. Principle

**4. Principle**

'(sniffle) Colds are rubbish.'

'Brilliant observation, Padfoot. What next, the sky is blue? The grass is green?'

'Till death do us part, Moony!'

'… That doesn't even make sense.'

'(SNIFF) Can I borrow some tissue?'

'No.'

'Whyyyyyy?'

'Because every time – every _single _time – you borrow some tissue paper, you start doing unspeakable things to it. You have to learn, Padfoot, some things are just not meant to be eaten!'

'Hypocrite.'

'What in the name of Merlin are you talking about?'

'Remember, Moons? The 14th of March? (sniff) Prongs and I came back from Quidditch and found you stuffing yourself with those crusty bits that come off old t-shirts.'

'We swore never to speak of that!'

'We-ell, we also swore never to speak of the Noodle Incident…'

'I WAS FRAMED, YOU JAMMY GIT!'

'Polyjuice Potion, I expect…'

'That's RIGHT! In fact, it was Mulciber who did it!'

'And the reason there were (sniffle) noodles all over my bed?'

'DUMBLEDORE WANTED TO FRAME US! THAT'S RIGHT, HE WAS IN ON IT TOO!'

'Albus and Mulciber? _Ugh_…'

'Albus is sneaking around with younger Slytherins?'

'JAMES! YOU TELL SIRIUS THAT HE IS AN ARROGANT TOE-RAG!'

'… I thought that was Evans' name for me?'

'THAT'S RIGHT, YOU BOTH ARE!'

'Padfoot, did you mention the Noodle Incident?'

'Well, he wouldn't (sniff) give me some tissue when I needed it the most!'

'For Aggripa's sake, Pads, take some of mine.'

'Nope. Too late now.'

'Sirius…'

'It's the principle of the matter, Prongs (sniffle). What if it wasn't tissue? What if it was my Ignotus Peverell chocolate frog card?'

'Christ, Padfoot, it isn't your Ignotus Peverell card; it's a bit of tissue! And it's not even yours!'

'Ha! Logic won't work on the great Sirius Orion Black!'

'Agreed.'

'WORMY! Can I have some tissue paper?'

'No.'

'You're all traitors (sniff).'

'Sirius, you truly are brilliant.'

'I am, aren't I?'

'You arrogant toe-rag.'

'You stupid Charms-addict.'


	5. Pancakes

**5. Pancakes**

'Moony! Look! It's a giant grilled cheese sandwich!'

'You're crazy; that's the biggest Peppermint Quill in the world!'

'Pah! That's a huge tray of lasagne!'

'Prongs, you're insane! That's a enormous cup of chocolate pudding!'

'Eggs…'

'Who said that?'

'Pancakes…'

'Prongs, what the hell is going on?'

'MAPLE SYRUP!'

'I have no idea!'

'My name is Remus John Lupin. Who are you?'

'CHOCOLATE SAUCE!'

'Chocolate sauce?'

'BUTTER!'

'PRONGS! PULL OUT YOUR INVISIBILTY CLOAK!'

'IT'S TWO IN THE BLOODY MORNING AND WE ARE IN THE CHARMS CORRIDOR!'

'WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE?'

'THERE IS A PANCAKE-OBSESSED LUNATIC IN OUR MIDST AND YOU'RE BANGING ON ABOUT SOME STUPID INVISBILITY CLOAK!'

'MARY!'

'MOONY, SHUT UP!'

'No, I mean that's Mary!'

'MARY MACDONALD!?'

'WHO BLOODY ELSE!'

'MCKINNON!?'

'EVANS!?'

'PREWETT!?'

'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU FOUR DOING OUT HERE?'

'We heard a pancake monster.'

'Well, so did we…'

'It's too dark for this! _Lumos_!'

'Er, Evans…'

'What is it, Potter?'

'You've all got… uh… pancakes on you.'

'WHAT!?'

'And maple syrup – and chocolate sauce – _and_ eggs…'

'I told you I felt a bit weird on the way up…'

'Oh, shut up, Alice!'

'Damn chocolate sauce, it's all over my hair!'

'THERE ARE BETTER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT AT TWO IN THE MORNING, MARLENE!'

'Exactly, like Peeves!'

'Peeves?'

'Peeves, yeah.'

'…Pee-ves…'

'Peeves.'

'Peeves!'

'PEEVES, YOU BLOODY GIT, GET BACK HERE AND FIX US!'

'HA-HA! ICKLE FIFTHIES HAVE FALLEN INTO LITTLE PEEVESY'S' TRAP!'

'Evans, Macdonald, McKinnon, Prewett, trust me on this.'

'What are you about to do, Potter?'

'Peeves… you know, Peeves…'

'Potty has a question?'

'I'm just saying… I'm not too sure about this…'

'Potter, what are you doing?'

'I saw a _hat _on the way up here.'

'Prongs, why is Peeves going purple?'

'And why has he grown a handlebar moustache?'

'And why is he wearing a kilt?'

'And an eye patch?'

'And holding a lollipop?'

'Allergy.'

'ALLERGY?

'I'll explain later, let's get back to the common room first.'

'Good idea, he's grown a Dungbomb Chucker.'


	6. Kids

**6. Kids**

_'Fee fi fo fum!_ Moony, why the hell did you give me this book?'

'_Jack and the Beanstalk_ is good, Padfoot. Read it.'

'Honestly, it's for Muggle kids.'

'Well, you're a kid!'

'I beg to differ, my friend. I am a Marauder.'

'So am I.'

'Well – well, you're – you're not, er – well, you're not _me_!'

'And I am thankful for it.'

'You're mad, Moony. Most people would _kill _to be me!'

'So why don't they?'

'What?'

'All they need is a wand, a body bag and some Polyjuice Potion.'

'… You had better not tell Clara Summers about this!'

'What, you're worried that the leader of your fan club will kill you and impersonate you?'

'She could! Summers is insane!'

'Yeah, she is. Remember the 16th of October, 1974?'

'We swore never to speak of that, Wormtail…'

'It's not like the whole school doesn't already know what happened that day.'

'Well, the first-years don't!'

'He's right, Moony.'

'We-ell, we can always have a repeat of that incident can't we? Isn't Padfoot's birthday next week?'

'I beg of you, Moony, please don't tell her!'

'Padfoot, the girl's been obsessed with you since our third year.'

'It was a Valentine's Day, wasn't it, Moony?'

'That's right, Wormtail.'

'Tell me, Moony, what were Clara's exact words?'

'If I remember correctly, "Oh, Sirius, it's been you, always you, ever since you passed me that quill in Defence at the beginning of the year… Will you please do me the honour of going to Hogsmeade with me?" '

'So what did Padfoot say?'

' "No." '

'What an insensitive fellow!'

'Indeed. How could he do a thing like this to such a sweet and sensitive girl?'

'She was devastated. Crying for weeks!'

'Exactly. How did such a tactless person become a Marauder?'

'Shameful!'

'The cheek of him!'

'DIE DIE DIE!'

'Moony, let us make our departure.'

'I agree wholeheartedly, Wormtail. But how?'

'Don't worry! I'll save you!'

'FRANK!'

'RUN!'

'C'MON!'

'LET'S GO!'

'ARRRRRRR!'

'Kids these days…'


	7. Fourteen

**7. Only Fourteen**

'Prongs, who're those?'

'Siddharth and Ishita Sinha. They transferred here from the Indian magical school last year. They're fourth-year Gryffindors.'

'How do you know so much about them?'

'They're both reserves for Quidditch. Siddharth is a Beater, Ishita a Seeker.'

'Are they good?'

'Pretty good. Ishita's a brilliant Seeker. I'll make her a full-time one once Sean Matthews leaves Hogwarts.'

'Right… So what's with that… pig?

'Your guess is as good as mine, mate.'

'Why is Ishita hitting the bloke?'

'Probably because he stole her notebook.'

'… His glasses are stupid.'

'Well, as fascinating two fourteen-year olds are to watch, maybe we should get back to the dorm.'

'Siddharth is snickering.'

'_Come on_, Padfoot.'

'Ishita is looking at us. They're pranking us.'

'How can you tell? They're only fourteen – AAUUGGHH!'

'WE'REGONNADIEEEE!'

'TELL MY MUM I LOVE HER!'

'MOONY, I WAS THE ONE WHO ATE YOUR CHOCOLATE!'

'Did – you – see – that!'

'That was _awesome_!'

'We've pranked the masters, Siddhu!'

'Don't call me that, Ishy-poo!'

'Prongs?'

'_WHAT_?'

'Probably not a good "I told you so" moment, eh?'

'I will murder you if you say those four words.'

'Thought so.'

'Hmph.'

'Sirius. Did you say that you ate my chocolate?'

'Mate, you really are dead.'


	8. Sensitivity

**8. Sensitivity**

'Transfiguration.'

'No.'

'Transfiguration.'

'NO.'

'Moony, we have to go for Transfiguration!'

'NO!'

'But McGonagall will kill us!'

'I don't want to hear this.'

'Moony, what the hell is wrong with you?'

'I've discovered what the problem with the world is. Everyone _faces _his or her problems. If I just ignore it, it'll go away eventually.'

'… It's your time of the month, isn't it?'

'NO! JUST GO AWAY, SIRIUS, AND LET ME SLEEP!'

'C'mon, Wormtail, Prongs.'

'But-'

'Come on.'

'Okay.'

'Padfoot…'

'It's the full moon tonight, the Charms exam is coming up, Snivellus has gone out of his way to make sure we don't enjoy ourselves and Evans has been giving him the cold shoulder. I say we let him sleep in today.'

'This isn't like you, Padfoot.'

'Hey! I can be sensitive at times! Also, we get to announce to the class that it's Moony's time of the month.'

'Knew it.'

'I like your thinking…'

'Thanks, Wormy!'

'Ow, ow, ow! Do not _noogie _me!'

'_Do not_? What are you, some distinguished scholar? We are Marauders! We do not use sophisticated words!'

'Padfoot, you just said _do not_ yourself.'

'… Yeah, well, when someone as awesome as me says _do not_, it's alright.'

'You logic is infallible.'

'It is, isn't it?'

'Black, Potter, Pettigrew! You're all late! I expect better of you three. And where is Lupin?'

'He's not feeling well, Professor. It's his _time of the month_.'

'Mr Avery, five points from Slytherin for mocking a fellow student! Now, you three, tell Mr Lupin to go to Madam Pomfrey if he needs to. Also, I'd like you to check on him after every class. I'll write a note for you. Go take a seat.'

_Mr Padfoot is of the opinion that Professor McGonagall is fond of Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs._

_Mr Prongs requests Mr Padfoot to shut his mouth._

_Mr Wormtail agrees with Mr Prongs and would also like to add that Professor McGonagall is giving Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs dirty looks._

_Mr Padfoot agrees with Mr Wormtail and requests Messrs. Wormtail and Prongs put their parchments as well._

_Mr Prongs is pleased with the current state of affairs._

_Mr Padfoot is of the opinion that Mr Prongs is a hypocrite._

_Mr Wormtail is of the opinion that Mr Padfoot should keep his thoughts to himself._

_Mr Prongs agrees with Mr Wormtail._

_Mr Padfoot is grumpy._

_Mr Prongs requests Mr Padfoot to sob it _up_, the baby._

_Mr Padfoot's friends are gits._

_Mr Wormtail takes offence to this statement._

_Mr Padfoot does not care._

_Mr Prongs is of the opinion that he and Mr Wormtail are not gits._

_Mr Padfoot _knows _that Messrs. Wormtail and Prongs are gits._

_Mr Moony would like his friends to stop fighting and inform Professor McGonagall that he is on his way to Transfiguration._

_Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs are of the opinion that Mr Moony should stay in bed._

_Mr Moony is of the opinion that this is not going to happen._


	9. Necessity

**9. Necessity**

_Mr Padfoot needs food._

_So does Mr Wormtail._

_Mr Prongs if of the opinion that Mr Wormtail always needs food._

_Mr Wormtail admits that Mr Prongs might be right._

_Mr Prongs knew it!_

_Mr Moony asks if Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs could get him a pudding cup when they are visiting the kitchen._

_Mr Prongs would like to tell Mr Moony that if he wants anything from the kitchen, he must get it himself._

_Mr Padfoot misses his friend, the house-elf Paddy._

_Mr Moony wonders if this "friendship" has anything to do with their names._

_Mr Padfoot denies this absolutely ludicrous accusation._

_Mr Prongs would like to inform Mr Moony that he is right._

_Mr Padfoot feels betrayed._

_Mr Wormtail feels ignored._

_Mr Prongs feels hungry._

_Mr Moony feels grumpy._

_Mr Padfoot feels stupid._

_Mr Moony would like to inform Mr Padfoot that he_ is _stupid._

_Mr Wormtail is mad at Mr Moony for breaking the chain._

_Mt Prongs would like to inquire about the whereabouts of his Snitch._

_Mr Moony is of the opinion that Mr Prongs is not a mountain and thus should not refer to himself as such._

_Mr Padfoot wonders where Mr Prongs called himself a mountain._

_Mr Moony directs Mr Padfoot to Mr Prongs' last statement._

_Mr Wormtail has spotted this error._

_Mr Padfoot has not._

_Mr Wormtail would like to point out Mr Prongs could also have been referring to the state of Montana, located in the United States of America._

_Mr Moony is of the opinion that if Mr Prongs _were_ referring to the state of Montana; he should have written _MT_,_ _not _Mt_._

_For Aggripa's sake, Mr Prongs is not a mountain!_

_Mr Moony thinks that this is an astute observation._

_Mr Prongs would like to point out that he simply made a spelling error._

_Mr Padfoot has spotted the "error". Mr Prongs is comparable to a mountain…_

_Mr Prongs requests Mr Padfoot to keep up with the times._

_Mr Wormtail requires cheese._

_Mr Padfoot too requires food._

_So does Mr Prongs._

_As does Mr Moony._

_Mr Wormtail suggests going to the kitchen._

_Mr Padfoot thinks that this is a good strategy._

_Messrs. Moony and Prongs agree._


	10. Talent

**10. Talent**

_Mr Padfoot has had a brilliant idea._

_Mr Moony fears for his life._

_So do Messrs. Wormtail and Prongs._

_Mr Padfoot feels annoyed by the above reactions._

_Mr Moony has no sympathy for Mr Padfoot._

_Mr Prongs requests Mr Padfoot to voice his idea, otherwise Messrs. Moony, Wormtail and Prongs will be forced to deal with his complaints._

_Mr Padfoot is of the opinion that the saying 'Genius is never appreciated in its own time' has been proven correct._

_Mr Wormtail would like Mr Padfoot to proceed with the preferred strategy of Mr Prongs._

_So would Mr Moony._

_Mr Padfoot's idea is that The Marauders should have an official anthem._

_Mr Wormtail asks if this anthem bears any similarity to 'The Gryffindor Anthem', a musical piece written by noted Beater Mr Padfoot._

_Mr Moony is of the opinion that if the official anthem of The Marauders is similar to said musical piece; they should not proceed with Mr Padfoot's idea._

_Mr Prongs agrees with Mr Moony._

_Mr Padfoot is delighted to inform his fellow Marauders that his anthem is like 'The Gryffindor Anthem'. _

_Mr Moony is doomed._

_Mr Padfoot has no sympathy for Mr Moony._

_Mr Moony requests Mr Padfoot not to throw his own words back at him._

_Mr Padfoot denies Mr Moony's request._

_Mr Prongs asks if there is a soprano part and if there is, Mr Padfoot will be singing it._

_Mr Padfoot would like to inform his fellow Marauders that there is a soprano part, but he had Mr Wormtail in mind while writing it._

_Mr Wormtail is of the opinion that they should take a vote._

_All in favour of Mr Wormtail singing the soprano part say 'Aye!' Those opposed say, 'Nay!'_

_Aye!_

_Aye! _

_Aye!_

_Nay!_

_Mr Padfoot calls the voting to a close. Mr Wormtail will be singing the soprano part._

_Mr Wormtail feels betrayed._

_Mr Prongs points out that if it weren't Mr Wormtail, it would be one of them._

_Mr Moony agrees with Mr Prongs._

_Mr Padfoot voted in favour of Mr Wormtail because of the fact that he would make a brilliant soprano singer._

_It is not Mr Wormtail's fault that his voice hasn't cracked yet._

_Mr Moony agrees with Mr Wormtail. It isn't his fault, but they can use it to their advantage._

_Mr Padfoot would like to call all singers to the fifth-year Gryffindor boys' dormitory to hold practice._

_Mr Wormtail is still not happy with the choice of soprano singer._

_As Mr Padfoot said, 'Genius is never appreciated in its own time.' Mr Wormtail will come to terms with Mr Padfoot's decision._

_Mr Wormtail is of the opinion that Mr Padfoot is a sadist._

_Messrs. Moony and Prongs agree with Mr Wormtail._


	11. Competition

**A/N: Thanks to rockon88, StalkerCat16, ClaireBear1982 and Avril Jester. Marauder for reviewing, ClaireBear1982 and SilverStare for following the story, SilverStare for following me. You guys are brilliant! Let me know if I've missed anyone. **

**James' middle name is from Crescent Marauder's _The Marauders_ series, and Peter's second middle name (Hedwig) has a story behind it, which I will talk about in another story.**

**One more thing. The first twenty stories take place in The Marauder's fifth year, after they've completed their Animagus transformations (1976). The next twenty will take place in their sixth year (September 1976 – June 1977) and so on. I'm going to keep writing till late October 1981, about a week before Lily and James die, Sirius tries to kill Peter and is thrown into Azkaban, and Remus – actually, what does Remus do after all this happens? I have no idea.**

**11. Competition**

'Prongs, what the _hell_ were you thinking?'

'SIRIUS BLACK, YOU GET OUT OF THE HOSPITAL WING RIGHT THIS SECOND!'

'Oh, Poppy, don't I have the right to visit my best friend?'

'That's right; they do it with me every month.'

'Fine, but just ten minutes. And I told you not to call me Poppy!'

'But, Poppy, I thought we were mates!'

'There goes a troubled young woman.'

'Shut up, Prongs, and tell us _why _you decided to attack the _Giant Squid _of all things!'

'I was eliminating competition.'

'_COMPETITION_!?'

'Yes, Sirius. Competition.'

'Does this have anything to do with the lovely Lily Evans, Mister Potter?'

'As a matter of fact, Mister Lupin, it does.'

'Oh, _now_ you decide to _mister_ each other?'

'Mister Pettigrew, the noble art of mistering is one that you cannot understand.'

'Too right, Mister Potter!'

'James Crysanthos Potter-'

'Busting out the middle name, _Sirius Orion Black_?'

'You're one to talk, _Remus John Lupin_.'

'John is a perfectly normal name!'

'Exactly.'

'What does that even mean, _Peter Ignatius Hedwig Pettigrew_?'

'What kind of a name is _Hedwig_?'

'Hmph, hypocrite.'

'So I believe Prongs has something to tell us?'

'Oh, right. JAMES POTTER, TELL US WHY YOU ATTACKED THE GIANT SQUID OR ELSE I WILL BURN YOUR BROOMSTICK.'

'I want nothing to do with this, Sirius.'

'Neither do I.

'You don't deserve to be Gryffindors.'

'Padfoot, that's _cold._'

'Freezing cold.'

'Below zero!'

'Arctic!'

'Antarctic!'

'Antarctic in the winter!'

'Antarctic in the winter during a blizzard!'

'Antarctic in the winter during a really _cold _blizzard!'

'Peter, James, _shut up_.'

'Gladly.'

'Now, Prongs, would you _please tell us the story_!?'

'Fine. Our tale begins a day eighty years ago, the creation of Zonko's Joke Shop! Behold, the first Zonko, noblest of the Potter ancestors, as he creates the first Dungbomb!'

'James, let's move on to 17th April, 1976.'

'Fine. You children just want to know _what _it is, not _why _it is.'

'Prongs, Moony's older than you.'

'Yes, that gives me the right to call all of _you _children!'

'Oi! I'm the oldest here; I was born in October 1959!'

'And what a sad day for the Black that was.'

'Yep, it probably was, wasn't it?'

'Okay, James, Giant Squid.'

'Right. So after Potions, Moony went to Ancient Runes, Padfoot and Wormtail went to Muggle Studies and I went to Arithmancy with Evans tagging along – poor besotted girl.'

'Prongs, the girl hates you.'

'Whatever. I simply couldn't concentrate with her always following me around, so I asked her out.'

'What else is new?'

'Shut up. Then she said, "I'd rather go out with the Giant Squid." Now I was obviously not pleased with the idea that she'd prefer a huge creature with tentacles that pulls first-years into the Black Lake over devilishly handsome me.'

'You look like a potato wearing glasses.'

'Sarcasm does not fit you, Padfoot.'

'I wasn't being sarcastic.'

'There you again.'

'Shut up and tell me the story,'

'Tell US the story.'

'Right. So then, I had a free period and I decided to take an innocent stroll along the grounds. And then, I saw the Giant Squid thrashing about.'

'Oooh, this is where it gets good.'

'Evans' voice popped into my head. _I'd rather go out with the Giant Squid. I'd rather go out with the Giant Squid. _Thinking that this problem should be taken care of, once and for all, I charged.

'It didn't see me until I let out my war cry – a big mistake on my part. It raised its tentacles – _all of them _ – and smacked me.'

'You got what you deserved.'

'I did not! I went flying through the air – it's not a bad way to travel, actually – and flew straight into Dorcas Meadowes.'

'That's got to hurt.'

'It did, quite a bit. So she gave me detention and handed me over to dear Poppy here – '

'YOU'VE HAD NEARLY TWENTY MINUTES! OUT!'

'Pah.'


	12. Misconception

**A/N: Thanks to Moohickyalah for subscribing to this story and ClaireBear1982 for reviewing.**

**This takes place a little bit after the Defence Against The Dark Arts O.W.L – right after Lily rejects James and he takes his anger out on Snape. This is one story that I'm not going to enjoy writing. Most Marauder fans online know that they bullied Snape and the Slytherins quite a bit, but they choose to ignore it and show their good sides. As much as I would like to do the same, the Marauders being bullying gits is a part of canon and I am choosing not to pretend like it never happened.**

**Year Eight is finally over and our sections have been shuffled. And guess what – I get to take French and I'm with most of my friends! Take _that_, Indian educational system!**

**This story is on a community! Oooh, yeah!**

**Disclaimer: The first few dialog lines are from _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_ – all rights go to J.K. Rowling. I'm putting a line where the quotes from Harry Potter end.**

**12. Misconception**

'Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.'

'Evans! Hey, EVANS! What is it with her?'

'Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate.'

'Right, right - who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?'

* * *

'_Stupe_-'

'_PROTEGO_! That's right, run off to your little _friends_, you cowardly snake…'

'James –'

'I really don't want to hear it, Moony. Go to the dorm, take Wormtail; I'll meet you there.'

'Are you sure, James?'

'I'm brilliant, Peter. Now sod off.'

'Prongs…'

'I'm sick of it, Padfoot. I just can't handle it – her rejecting me _every single time_. I'll tell you something, Sirius: it destroys me, every time she does it. How – _why_?'

'Look, Prongs, some people just don't like you. But you're a bloody Marauder, you can get any girl in the school.'

'They're not Evans.'

'So… what are you going to do?'

'She's right.'

'What?'

'You heard me – she's right. I have such a big head. Why the _hell _do I have to be such a git? I hex everyone I see just for the hell of it. I'm a bullying toe-rag.'

'James, _listen_. Evans doesn't know you, she doesn't know about your good side. Who accepted Moony when he revealed himself as a werewolf?'

'Sirius –'

'Who stayed up every full moon night, worrying? Who skipped classes every morning after the full moon to visit him? Whose idea was it to become Animagi to help him?'

'Sirius, please-'

'And that's only half of what you've done. My parents hate me. They have, ever since I was realised that they were completely wrong about Muggle and Muggle-borns. That hate just increased when I got sorted into Gryffindor. Remember the summer before third year, when you saw the blood-drop on the letter I sent you and showed up to rescue me?

'Yeah, but -'

'And I'm only going back to Grimmauld Place this year to collect my stuff – then I'm going to move into your house. James, you're a good person. Remember the Snape incident? You hate that bloke, yet you went to save his life – putting your own in danger – and you forgave me for that heat-of-the-moment decision. True, you have a big head and can be a git sometimes, and that's the only side of you that Evans has seen. That's why she hates you.'

'Sirius…'

'I believe a thank-you is in order.'

'Yeah. Yeah, it is.'

'And _there_'s the famous James Potter grin!'

'Thanks, Padfoot. But I'm serious about deflating. I'm going to stop asking Evans – _Lily _– out. I'm going to stop hexing everyone I see. And I'm chucking that Snitch.'

'… Alright, Prongs.'

'Come on, I believe we have some studying to do.'

'I hate Potions.'

'Don't we all.'


	13. Liberty

**A/N: Thanks to ClaireBear1982 for reviewing. I'm rubbish at writing emotional stuff, so I wasn't sure how this conversation would turn out. I'm glad you liked it.**

**And a couple of things I've forgotten. First of all, since I've only written thirteen stories, I'm going to extend this year's stories into the summer holidays. Second, this story is in the same universe as all my other stories, so Padfoot goes bobsledding down a staircase, Prongs destroys Lily's jumper and so on.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Born Free and I have no idea who does.**

**13. Liberty**

'FREEEE!'

'WE – ARE – FREE!'

'FREE AS THE WIND AS IT BLOWS!'

'FREE AS THE FIREWORKS AS THEY FLY!'

'Nice prank reference, Wormy. And Moony – _seriously_?'

'Hey, it's a song from a famous movie!'

'Movie?'

'_Films_, James. You know, the one we saw at my house. With the birds attacking.'

'Ohhh, _movie_. Now I get it. Which one?'

'It's called _Born Free_.'

'What's it about, a bloke who doesn't have to take O. ? Because we don't!'

'No, it's about three lion cubs that get separated from their mothers and are taken in by this woman called Joy Adamson. And we may not have to take O. , but we _do_ have to take N.E. .'

'Moony, _why'd _you have to go and point that out? Ignorance is bliss!'

'Yeah, Remy-poo, why?'

'DON'T. CALL ME. REMY-POO.'

'You know, you're a lot like my cousin Andromeda's daughter Nymphadora. Whenever someone calls her that, her hair turns bright red and she says, "DON'T. CALL ME. NYMPHADORA." It's a little strange, you know, how you're both so similar.'

'Remy-poo and Nymphadora, sitting in a tree –'

'Oh, shut up, Peter.'

'Aw, is our little Moony _blushing_?'

'I hate all of you.'

'That's what friends are for.'

'… I'm bored.'

'Same here.'

'… Kitchens?'

'Aye'

'Indeed.'

'Do you even have to ask?'

'Dorm, I bid thee farewell!'

'Sirius, we'll be coming back to it next year. We'll be coming back to it this _evening_.'

'Oh – I knew that.'

'Did ya?'

'… _No_.'

'Anyway, kitchens?'

'Yeah, c'mon.'


End file.
